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9月22日 WOAH!I...cannot....believe how quickly time flies!! Freakin WOW! It seems like just yesterday when I was just a young, naive blogger so new to the world lmao.
I sure hope everyone's doin' alright these days! Haven't talked to anyone in quiiiiiite some time.
As Hal Johnson and Joanne MacLeod would say: "KEEP FIT AND HAVE FUN!" 2月21日 BlogitisAHHH!
So I don't seem to be able to blog anymore. I'm not sure what's wrong, but if you look at the track history of my entries, you'll see something's up.
I...just...can't...do it! Maybe it's the time....maybe it's by perpetual fear of the Arial font...I have no idea. I really want to start chronicling my shennanigans again before I forget them all....mind you, some I will never forget. Especially the time Kn-nizz and I got a ride home from a crazy German after breaking up a domestic in a parking lot by doing the tango. Good times good times.
Anyways, I'm not dead. And I actually posted some pics from CUBA! *golf claps*
Ill try some more blogging, hopefully the rest of the crew on Spaces Blvd haven't been attacked by the (lack-of) blogging sickness. If you're out there give me a shout! I your presence is as missed as Britney Spears' hair!!
Peace,
bry 5月4日 MOTHERS DAY MISSION 2006Alright, first and foremost, Id like to thank you all for your wonderful Mother's Day Gift suggestions. We have 5 days to go, and so far, the ideas from you people were:
1) A Dead Hooker (fresh though...thanks Vess)
2) A Day at the Spa (good thinkin Loach..supported by many)
3)A *gag* Dildo (theres no thought as comforting as imagining your mom firing up the muff muncher 2000 (WRONG WRONG WRONG!!)...and WHAT about the carpet stains? Good lord!! I hope to hell that my momma is NOT on a first name basis with the shower head. I think Im gonna need therapy for Christmas....
4)Jewlery (deadites)
5) House Cleaning (deadites again)
6) Massage
So I guess first off, my mom (who affectionately refers to herself as "my white momma" haha), is not the Spa kinda gal. Perhaps a massage, but when it comes to pedicures and manicures go, she has about as much in common with them as a metrosexual does with a football game. She is probably the hardest person I know to buy a gift for, but she DOES drive a lot (which is why the detailing seemed like such a marvel idea). ANY MORE SUGGESTIONS?! I know that if more come in, the right one will slap me in the face, I just have that feelin.
So the FLAMES LOST LAST NIGHT!! I have NEVER been down to the infamous Red Mile, so I thought I'd check it out last night. We started a bit away from it, in a bar called "A BAR NAMED SUE". It's a GREAT tiny little hole in the wall with live entertainment and plenty of hooligans. They have this train that travels around the roof of the bar (dubbed the "booze train") by myself. Everytime the train passes your table everyone cheers and takes a drink. The only problem is the train makes a lap of the bar in about 2 minutes. So after many train laps, a couple rounds of singing "She'll be Comin Round the Mountain" (among other favorites), it was time to check out the chaos on 17th ave. I was so disappointed. The Flames lost, the ave was DESERTED except for some homeless hippies playin drums for cash. Of course Crystal had to join in on these shennanigans and somehow convinced them to suit her up with a hugeass drum and let her play to her hearts content. She made three dollars in 10 minutes from people walking by. Not too bad :)
And thats my story folks. So I need the following from ya'll:
KICKASS MOTHERS DAY GIFT IDEA (preferably non sex toy related) haha.
Talk to ya later.
bry
AND A SIDE NOTE ON LEGALIZING DRUGS IN MEXICO:
So Mexico wants to legalize all PERSONAL amounts of drugs for enjoyment while you are there. Great! Now when Im watching an underage girl having sex with a donkey in downtown Tiajuana, at least I won't hafta worry about the cops busting me for bein high! What the FU** is wrong with people these days?!?!? 5月3日 Windy CityWhats with all the wind lately? Why is it so cold? I guess I really shouldnt complain, the obscene gusts are the closest thing Ive had to a blowjob in quite some time, haha.
So work is picking up again, and MARGIE still hasnt left a comment on my space. If any of you visit her still, can you leave an obscene comment for her...let her know Im pining away here since I was shafted.
I had my aircard stolen like a month ago for my laptop, and didnt realize it (cause I havent used it in a few months). Suddenly $500 in charges appear on my phone bill! I was like WTF?!
The thing with TELUS aircards is that their password is the serial number on the bottom of the card. So if it goes missing ANYONE can use it. That's like your bank printing your PIN number on the back of your ATM card as far as Im concerned....so anyways needless to say after 1/2 hour of bellyaching they agreed to only make me pay half the amount. Better than nothing I guess.
Countdown to mothers day is on!!
I need some suggestions from everyone on what moms really like to get for mothers day.
I was thinking of flowers and a car detailing this year...sound aiite?
Well time to get back to the grind, later!!
bry
4月18日 IIIITS APRIL!!Holy shit ya'll!! Seems like the last time I checked the calendar I was tackling old ladies in the shopping mall to get the last good Christmas present on Christmas Eve!
First and foremost, I would like to apologize to everyone that I have lost contact with since my life became a gongshow. Most of all, MARGIE. What can I say, she had me from hello.
Soooo, since the last blog, I have been to Mexico, Fairmont, Vancouver...and also working like a MOFO! It's been crazy here in Calgary, and the shennanigans never seem to really stop. But the main reason for not blogging has been the fact that Ive been on the road so effin much lately!
Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.
I know Easter's over, but how about I share a joke with you guys, just cause...?
Okay:
Q: WHY DOES THE EASTER BUNNY HIDE HIS EGGS?
A: CAUSE HE DOESNT WANT ANYONE TO KNOW HE WAS SCREWED BY A CHICKEN!!
And with that, I am officially back for the time being, and as per usual you can expect an obscene comment on a blog near you soon!
*MWAH*
Later Masterbators!
I can't help but put this link up, this bad EFFIN ROCKS (even more than Bif Naked, but hey, you didnt hear that from me :) 12月20日 CHRISTMAS LETTERSo while browsing through the good ol' Christmas e-mails I proceeded to laugh my ASS off whilst reading the classic letter from little Johnny:
DEAR SANTA; You must be suprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occured since the beginning of the month when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, and electric train set, a pair of rollerblades, and a football uniform. I DESTROYED my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What BALLS do you have leaving me a fucking yoyo, a lame whistle and a pair of ugly socks. What the FUCK were you thinking, you fat prick, that that you've taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to coome out with some shit like this under the tree? As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little quiff across the street so many toys that he can't even walk into his house. DON'T let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney this year. I'll fuck you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole...just like what I have to do now since you didn't get me that fucking bike. FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you'll find out how bad I can me, you fat cocksucker.
Sincerely,
Little Johnny 12月1日 NEW RULES FOR 2006OKAY PEOPLE, 2006 IS SOON TO BE UPON US, AND FOLLOWING ARE SOME GREAT NEW RULES THAT I FEEL SHOULD BE INCORPORATED IN THE NEW YEAR:
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chilli. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive. New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavoured water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavoured water is called a soft drink. You want flavoured water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavoured water. New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic?! I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine! New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting. New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese.
Wikka Wikka Slim BDAWG (and yes, Ima still try my best to be a WIGGA in '06 11月10日 Armpit of AlbertaGood Afternoon Mofos;
I just arrived home after a two day trip to FAIRVIEW Alberta. It's a long effin drive from Calgary thats for damn sure. 9.5 hours away to be exact. In the past two days I have travelled over 1400 kilometers in my Dodge. You get really good at singing to your steering wheel. And holding your pee.
Still having a battle with myfilestash.com so Ill have to PIC your asses later when I get all the shizznazz figured out.
Ever been to one of those restaurants where they insist on putting the "fresh ground pepper" on your food FOR you? Drives me nuts: "would you like fresh ground pepper sir?" "why yes I would, and gimme that damn grinder before I bonk you on the head with it.... Im not five I can do it myself."
--just one of those "its almost friday and I need to rant about something" moments.
ONE DAY LEFT. Then it's the wonderful wonderful weekend. Unless of course you're a lucky bastard who gets the stat holiday off. In that case, have a great time starting your weekend tonight.....and don't choke on anything
 haha. Hope you all bought a poppy for Remembrance Day---and remember to thank someone for being able to sit there and read blogs freely! And try not to cut off anyone with a "veteran" license plate in traffic tomorrow. Just a little way to say "thank you" I guess
 11月4日 BRING ON THE EFFIN SNOW-BDAWGS BACK!Howdy Ya'll!
Okay, there is no excuse for this long of a Hiatus...but its still such a funny word so I revelled in its moment for as long as I could.
I have a few pics that I wanna share with everyone that include my tattoo..halloween...all sorts of stuff, but I CANT get myfilestash.com to work for me right now, so as soon as Im back in business, Ill be PIC-ing your asses! To hold you over in the mean time, allow me to present you with some keyboard art:
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ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTtttttttttttttttttttttTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTtttttttttttttttt
:)
@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@# @#$#@$#@$@# #@$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$
That's my KEYBOARD INTERPRETATION of the Mona Lisa. I know, I know, it's totally obvious. I don't mean to offend you professional keyboard artists who may have recognized this right off the bat, but there are lots of novices out there who may or may not have needed some guidance for that. Aaaaaand..I may or may not have to lay off the cold medication.
So..about halloween. GOOOD LORD! Tannis and myself decided to go as flashers. So for my costume we took a pair of halloween boxers, made a huge schlong out of a nylon stuffed with newspaper, and a big ol' ballsack from two styrofoam balls and a nylon sock. We sewed this onto the boxers....add a trenchcoat and a pair of sunglasses with flip -flops and VOILA, you have Bryan dressed up as a flasher...then we went on the bustloose Halloween Howler club crawl and geeze, it was one helluva time.
Hey MARGIE, you dont hafta drop me like a hot potato just 'cause you got tired of playin with your hiatus. And ditching me for BANFF?? pfffffffffff....some peoples kids. You just wait till I see you.... :)
DEADITES, I have been showing random visitors to my house the RICK JAMESITIZING pictures that you create. They are a HUGE hit.
Listen kids, Im wicked sick with a cold still, so I hafta make this entry end here, but there are plenty more pics and shout outs and obscene comments coming to a space near you soon!!! So take care and Ill see you all later masterbators!!
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This one was an interpretation of a Claude Monet....It's so obvious that I dont even have to tell you which one!!...oh boy...gotta lay off the Nyquil................
10月2日 THE HIATUS WILL END!!!HEY MOFOS!!
I've been on quite the blogging HIATUS lately (every time I say that word it somehow sounds dirty...haha.....example: "ill show you MY hiatus if you show me YOUR hiatus!"
 But guess what Wiggas? The MSN boytoy may or may not have GOT A TATTOO!! Pics and a blog about it to follow...soon...and MARGIE, we gotta get on this November long weekend party shennanigan planning soon, I CANT FRICKIN WAIT! (anyone interested in a BloggerQ of sorts in November, let us know!)
So works been busy, I was inked, been on a blogging HIATUS (insert immature snicker here), and my co-worker may or may not have pooped in my office. Good lord. Blog about it ALLL soon. Till then, thanks to everyone whos signed my GSPOT lately, or left a comment making sure I was still alive!! Ill leave an obscene comment on a space near you soon!!
WIKKA WIKKA SLIM B DAWG! (heh, will it EVER stop amusing me? )8月30日 WHERE DID THE SUMMER GO?!?Has anyone seen that KFC commercial where the woman is walking down the sidewalk, sees an orange leaf on the ground, lets out a blood-curdling scream and runs in the opposite direction? Those were my exact sentiments when I woke up this morning and seen the temperature was only at five degrees celcius. Before long, we'll be plugging our vehicles in again, dressing in our toques and mitts and wishing we HADNT licked that metal flagpole, as we wait for someone to come along with hot water to unstick our tongues.....
FACTUAL EVENT:
So the other day my mom and grandma were arguing about who was in better shape. My mom said "my cholesterol is 4 points lower than yours AND I'm twenty years younger!"
"Yeah, well I bet I could beat you in a lap of the swimming pool doing the breast stroke" replied my disgruntled grandmother.
So they deck out in their swimsuits and hit the water. Amazingly enough, my grandma BEAT my mom by one whole length of the pool. Grandma was standing with a smug grin on her face as mom, red faced and breathless, emerged from the pool in defeat.
"YOU CHEATED!!" she yelled. "How in the world did I cheat? I did the breast stroke for one lap of the pool just like we had planned!" replied grandma.
"Yeah I know!" said mom, "But you you used your arms!"
.....true story...I wouldn't lie to ya  8月24日 THE GUIDE TO A GOOD LIFEFeelin semi-intellectual today so.... The guide to a good life... Live how you want, be who you want to be, say what you want to say, be adventureous, have fun, never forget a moment of your life, live, learn, be happy, think on the brighter side, be fun, LOVE, never forget your friends are there, care, be someone's friend, believe in your self and be proud,treat people how you want to be treated, GIVE MORE THAN IS EXPECTED AND DO IT GLADLY and last but not least BE YOUR SELF DONT TRY TO BE SOMEONE ELSE!
Thanx Nina! Woot! 8月19日 BLOG PEOPLE QUESTIONNAIREOookay everyone. I signed up for a blog walk not too long ago and TOTALLY forgot about it...I know I know Im a terrible person and should be shot and pissed on. So I'm making up for it by participating in the BLOG PEOPLE QUESTIONNAIRE!! Courtesy of Cynalicious!
1.)Who Was Your First Love? True Love not Puppy Love? Probably Alaska…we vacationed there when I was 11 and it was so big and awe-inspiring. As for a person being my first love…I’d have to say Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct!! 2.)What would you choose: an isolated place with the love of your life of a lively place with your best friends? A lively place with my best friends for sure!! 3.)If you were on a deserted island which spacer would you want to be stranded with and why? There are so many for so many reasons!! MARGIE—If my ass got chapped she could help me DEADITES – You just never know when you’ll need a good Rick-Jamesitizing! PEABODY – If you want a good breakfast made, I think this guy’d be a good one to have around. WILL – For when you feel like you need a guitar playin’ in the background. PAIGE – For all my Llama needs… MIZZMOXIE…MINDINFLIGHT…EBUNZZ…AZUREUS…good lord I cant pick one…NEXT QUESTION!! 4.)If you were a ghost who would you haunt and why? I’d haunt Revenue Canada or the Student Loans Department….they are all causing panic at Bryanmart these days!!
5.)If you could,which one of the seven capital sins (pride,avarice,envy, wrath,lust,gluttony,and sloth) would you commint and why? I think this question would be better phrased “which one will you STOP committing?” lol. 6.)Name one place in the world that you would live if money was NO object? Probably Australia or Greece….Vancouver is another place that would be awesome to live in if moo-lah wasn’t an issue. 7.) Apple or Orange juice? Orange juice!! With **cough** VODKA 8.)How do you deal with jealousy and drama? I say “Okay, Im sorry for causing all of this jealousy and drama, but don’t hate me cause Im beautiful dammit!!” 9.)One long night of hot sex or candle lite dinner and a movie? This is like asking me “would you prefer a dry piece of toast, or all you can eat at RED LOBSTER!!”---bring on the seafood baby!! (oh yeah, I SO went there) 10.)What kind of music do you like? Punk…classic rock…top 40-ish stuff…country..house…I like it all!! 11.)How do you take your coffee? I like my coffee just like I prefer my women…bitter and murky…hahahaha. 12.) If you had a choice of being poor and having the love of your life with you OR being rich and living the single life, Which one would you pick? I'd be poor and have the love of my life..money doesn't make you happy...but it sure can help!! 13.)Why do this questionaire? To see how effed up everyone else is!! 14.)Coke or Pepsi? PEPSI!!!!!!!!!!! 15.)What's the most romantic thing you've ever done? Probably a star watching picnic…with a fire…in the middle of a field at nite time..lanterns…wine….dinner….it was a good time had by all J 16.)What's your pet peeves? When people spell my name with an “I”…when people say “EH”…and WHEN PEOPLE LITTER!!! Find a garbage can ya dumbass!!! 17.)Do you have any tatoos or piercings?If so where? Im not inked or pierced…but if I were to get one, it would be a maple leaf on my shoulder with “made in Canada” underneath. Or else Id get the words “YOUR NAME” tattooed on my ass. 18.)Whats in your bedside table? Umm…the usual things…an alarm clock, copy of maxim magazine, glass of water, little plant, handcuffs, warming KY jelly, whips, leather chaps, etc etc. Nothing out of the ordinary……. 19.)Have you ever dreamn't about your msn space? Im not going to answer this because I don’t want to have to attend the bloggers anonymous meeting this week. 20.)If you could be anything in the world what would you be? A BEARDED CLAM!!!!!! 21.)If the world was going to end what would you do for the last hour? Do you have to ask this question? Im sure we allll know the answer….go to a competitive knitting competition baby!! Boo yah!! (Actually Im just kidding..Id have hot steamy sex, haha). 22.)How many dates before you sleep with the person? You kinda play it by ear. Sometimes it’s the first date, sometimes it takes a week or a month…sometimes you don’t even date at all!! And you wake up in the morning handcuffed to a bedpost (but they’re not the handcuffs from my night table, I swear!) 23.)If you had to choose one thing in your house that you can't live without (other than your family or pets) What would it be? Probably the computer or the dishwasher…or my sanity…oh wait, Im already living without that! 24.) Do you truly love your bf/gf? Or is it just a bluff? Im single…I pour beer on my hand to get MY girlfriend drunk...but I love her like there’s noooo tomorrow…… 25.)Do you/would you use sex toys? No I don’t, but who WOULDN’T wanna use the new GAS POWERED, PULL-START looove stick 2005? 26.)Do you have any regrets? Yes…there was once this shot of tequila that hit the bar floor before my mouth. It was so young, and didn’t even see it coming!! THE HUMANITY!! **tear** 27.)What is your favorite quote from a movie? “You had me at hello” **tear** OR my ultimate favorite from Mrs. Doubtfire “I hope you don’t mind that you’re up for a little competition dear…she has a powertoy that she uses in the bedroom. Im surprised she doesn’t chip her teeth!! When she uses it the lights dim…it’s like a prison movie!” 28.)What type of animal would other people say you look like? A large Stallion of course! 29.)Have you ever cheated on your bf/gf? Nope… 30.)Whats your favorite alcoholic beverage? Rye and Coke or Corona with a lime…or vodka orange juice…mmm mmm good. 31.)Whats the wierdest dream you have ever had..? If I told you all about this dream, the spaces police would shut this site down!! 32.)If you could do your life over again starting from any age - would you and what would you change about it? I would go back to being 17, and go traveling after high school instead of jumping right into college. 33.)Have you ever dreamn't about meeting someone from msn spaces and fell in love with them? Okay…that questions borderlining creepy….. 34.)Out of 1 - 10% (10 being the highest) how much of a blog-a-holic are you? 14.5 35.)Do stairs go up or down? Okay, Im sure you really tried hard at this, but the question really doesn’t have the same ring as “Is the glass half empty or half full”. Stairs go both ways..it depends on what level you are trying to get to. Geeze louise…. 36.)What's your favourite SOUND (not music)?? 37.)When was the last time you watched the sunrise? This morning,…it was waaaaaay too early! My eyes musta looked like an eagle’s asshole in a power dive! 38.)If you won a huge lottery amount..who would you share it with? Everyone in my life who deserved it…. 39.) Did you like this questionaire idea? and would you like for me to do it again? It was great!! We laughed, we cried. The plot was entertaining and the characters were colorful. I believe the script was lacking some emotion however..all in all I don’t think this movie was worth the ten dollars…wait a second…what was the question? 8月16日 Lobster and Sanity...Two necessary ingredients for a good weekOkay, first of all RED LOBSTER kicks some serious ASS! A group of us went there for some fine seafood cuisine last night. It was my FIRST TIME (don't worry, they were gentle So Here Are Some Methods To Help Ya Make It To Friday....
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"
13. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical
8月12日 Sandy McNabbOkay, this morning I snorted hot coffee out of my nose. TWICE. It's really not something I particularly enjoy. You know those moments when you think of a funny moment from the past (you're usually all by yourself when this happens), and you begin to chuckle to yourself...it escalates to laughter...and soon you look like a weirdo all alone laughing at nothing? Well, add some hot coffee spurting out of your nasal area and VOILA you have what I looked like at 10:00AM.
 What could make one laugh so hard you wonder? Well, first of all, PAIGE has the funniest blog entry about Llamas (three blog entries actually), and they're hysterical. Check 'em out!
The second coffee-snorting-laugh-out-loud moment was this:
There is an area called "Sandy McNabb" by Calgary. The name alone is enough to make me snicker. One morning at the breakfast table, I was trying to figure out exactly where it was. The conversation went something like this:
Bryan--"Hey guys, have you ever heard of Sandy McNabb??"
Lorinda (roomate #1)--"Yeah! I haven't seen him in years!!"
Bryan-- "No you idiot, it's a place, not a person"
Tannis (roomate #2)-- "Oh! Its a place?? I was gonna say that a Sandy McNabb is what happens when I go to the beach and get sand in my bathing suit bottoms"
*Insert Hysterical Laughter here*
Bryan -- "Well I guess that's better than a Scabby Mcnabb!"
*More Laughter...and for some reason we wrote a song...*
(sung to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It") : "If your Mcnabby's gettin Scabby jack your shrimp, JACK YOUR SHRIMP!"
This is what most conversations are like at our household. We are just a bundle of brilliance I tell ya!
 So anyways, there has been talk of a Western Blogger-Q (with an 80's theme as suggested by Margie). I just wanna know if there's enough interest out there? I think it'd be great. So lets start throwin some ideas around and see what we come up with. Ive had a few responses already, so lemme know guys!
Till then, have a KICKASS day, don't let your McNabb get Sandy if you go to the beach.
Peace mofos.
*oh, and could someone tell me where you are finding all of these COOL emoticons for your blog, and how the heck you insert them? PULEEEEEEEEEZE? thanx
 *8月11日 Nice work Lance!When I go to the gym, Im one of those heartless bastards who, when doing cardio, likes to place myself between two of the sweatiest, most obese people that are there. Call it a cheap way to boost your self-esteem or a great way to motivate yourself, but hey, you've gotta do what you gotta do!
My roomate Tannis and I did cardio together last night, so I didnt have the chance to strategically place myself. While there however I DID notice something that's really been bothering me lately:
You know those YELLOW bracelets that EVERYONE is wearing for Lance Armstrong?
Yeah, I have been wearing one around for a year now, however people....there comes a time when things must come to an end.
The small yellow bracelets we all toted around proudly for so long...they started as VERY noble fundraiser to help young people with cancer, but then quickly became a trend, and a large majority of the original cause was forgotten. You ask three out of five people who have them what they are for and you're usually met with "ummm....i THINK it's for some kind of research, but everyone's wearing them." The cause has kind of been forgotten, however it is still one of the worthiest of causes to donate to and I extend kudos to everyone who donated their money and time to aid it.
BUT, like your MS WALK t-shirts and your springtime daffodils for the cancer foundation, your pink ribbons for breastcancer and your red poppy that you wear for remembrance day......................... it's time to put them away for next year. My reasoning behind this? Lance is now done the tour. For buildup for the tour, the fundraising, the tour itself, even a week after the tour, it's okay to wear this bracelet. But now that it's over....it's over! Keeping it around is nice and all, but it's like wearing your cowboy hat AFTER the stampede is done.....nice thought, but really, let's move on. Do you leave the plastic snowman and reindeer on your roof after Christmas is done?? Do you leave your Christmas tree up until midsummer when all the needles have fallen off and its to the point that you're scared to walk across your livingroom bare-footed for fear of being impaled on one of those small green tree-darts that threaten your every step? (Okay, so maybe I'm guilty of this, but thats not the issue
 ) Do you wear your Remembrance Day Poppy to Easter Dinner? There will always be next year, when you can find that bracelet, dust it off, and slip it back on your wrist. So, till then, take a deeeeeeeeeeeep breath, and take it off. See? I bet you feel better already.............I know I sure do. 8月8日 Ohhhhh MONDAY!Is it just me, or are Monday mornings the reason they invented things like prozzac/valium and decided to stop selling firearms at your local corner store?
I think they are probably the worst morning of the week simply because when you are still in your weekend mode, bein at work by 8:00am is nobody's idea of a fun time. Oh well, if I get lucky and retire at 40, I only have 20 more years of this to go! If you multiply that by an average of 4.5 mondays/month for 20 years, it just means I have to repeat the monday morning workday 1,080 more times *barf*Ummm....thanks to everyone who decided to "Spread Some Love" at BryanMart over the weekend. Like Ive been telling people, "Spread the Love Day" sure beat the previous theme day "spread" ideas of:
Also, thanks to everyone for keeping their "love spreading" rated PG!! It's appreciated, since, you know, my virgin eyes wouldnt have been able to take the shock and all *places tongue firmly in cheek*........ Okay, so Im chillin to some tunes, and it got me wondering: IF YOU WERE TO BE STRANDED ON A DESERTED ISLAND, WHAT CD WOULD YOU WANT WITH YOU?
It's always interesting to see what people answer to this.
Have a great monday ya'll!!
BRY@N 8月3日 SnatchFace 2005, Braces, and BC!!!Hey fucktards!!
I have been neglecting my blog lately cause its been a hectic week or two!! I recently got braces. They are only on my top teeth and I only have them for six months thank goodness. They hurt like mofos at first, but although they are visually unappealing, they double as a GREAT bottle opener!!
So I was driving home from the gym last night and 16 year old SnatchFace 2005 turns out onto the road too close to me and hits the back of my new truck! It was her fault, and I was going to be nice about it, but the first words she said to me when she got out of her car were "IT WAS YOUR FU**ING FAULT!!", and proceeded to flip out on me. Thankfully her dad came up, told her to shut up, and we exchanged info. He told me to get an estimate and call him, and they would pay me as opposed to going through insurance so her rates didnt go up. Fair enough, I handled it in my friendly polite bryanmart way and got an estimate done today. The damage came to just under 1000 dollars since she effed up my rim (it was quite the rimjob, heh), and did some body damage. Her dad lost it when he heard the total, and became totally unreasonable. So I called my insurance company, and then called her dad to let him know I didnt want him to contact me anymore. Now they can deal with the cold blooded insurance hounds. muahaha. I tried to be nice but....some peoples kids. Geeze louise!!
In nicer news, I spent the weekend houseboating on Kooteny Lake near Kaslo, BC. I got to see the Jazz Fest, go to my first rave in the forest (it was cool but I only drank beer, none of that crazy raver bullshit for me), had the tubing accident of the century, went cliff jumping AND did some bird watching for Big Breasted Bed Thrashers (and I wasnt disappointed, hahaha). Twas a great time indeed, but im sunburnt enough to double as a lobster in a seafood restaurant.
Other than that, Im going to take a blogging break here. So thanks to everyone who left new words in the comment section of the Summer Slang blog!! The additions such as HIMBO and BLUNG will be posted soon, and shameless plugs will be handed out.
Take Care everyone! Ill be on a space near YOU soon to leave my mark! WOOT!
Later masterbators
QUOTES OF THE DAY:
"ONE BILLION PEOPLE DIDNT HAVE SAFE DRINKING WATER TODAY SO QUIT YER EFFIN COMPLAINING!!"
and, seen on a bumper sticker on my drive back from BC:
"GET A TASTE OF RELIGION---LICK A WITCH!!" --hahaha
7月21日 24 New Slang Expressions to Impress Your Friends With This Summer!Okay y'all. I laughed my ASS off when I read these. Get ready, these will help you sound like the COOLEST person around when you slip a few of these bad boys into random conversation:
He-yotch: The male variant of bee-yotch. "Yo, what's up hee-yotch? No, not you, Linda."
Hit That Like An Elevator Close Door Button: To attempt something repeatedly and pointlessly. "See those two beautiful women who are totally out of our league?" "Yeah! Let's hit that like an elevator close door button!"
I don't think you're prepared for my preserves: A Beyonce inspired pickup line for apron-wearing women in their eighties. "Sonny, can you handle this? I dont think you can handle this. I don't think you're prepared for my preserves."
Supercalibootylicious: Used to praise the physique of an Englishwoman in a petticoat. "Dude, your grandma is totally supercalibootylicious! What? Stop hitting me!"
Ladle It: Roughly equivalent to "Bring it On." "This guy knocked into me at a bar, and he's all like, 'What?' and I'm all like, 'What?' and he's all like 'You want a piece of me?' and im all like 'Ladle it!'."
It's All God: Christian response to "It's all Good." "Dude, I fell off my bike, broke both my legs, got fired from my job for being llate, and lost my girlfriend to a man who wasn't in traction. But it's all God, man. It's aaaalll God."
Blang: Bling that you used to own, then had to pawn or sell to friends to raise cash. "See all that bling he's wearing? That's my blang."
Cool: An old slang term gets a confusing new makeover. This year, cool will mean pointy and sharp. "Hey, bro, cool scissors. Ouch, damn it! Wow, they're really cool."
Grabajamma: Awesome, exciting. "You wanna go to see Dukes of Hazzard?" "Do I? Grabajamma!"
Grabagramma: Meaning, roughly,'Let's include our Grandmother in this activity.' "You want to go to see Dukes of Hazzard?" "Do I? Grabajamma! Grabagramma!"
Hope this helps you to elaborate yourself better at social funtions. Get out there and hit them like an elevator close door button! And remember, if people don't like them, they're just not prepared for your preserves!!
Peace Out!! B-Dawg (yeah, its STILL wigga week yo!! WIKKA WIKKA!) 7月19日 A LITTLE BIF WITH MY NAKEDOkay Mofos
BIF NAKED WAS IN TOWN!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
She put on one helluva show as usual. Along with her usual kickass songs, she threw in a few Metallica covers and shook her tattooed booty enough to make ANY die hard fan happy!!
I put some blurry yet recognizeable pics in that new photo album up there (look up....waaay up....no wait you went too far thats my G spot you pervs)
This is my first blog entry on my new lap top and the touchpad KILLS me. So this entry will be short and snappy...just like my attention span! P.S. I know Im a huge fan and all, but does anyone know Bif Nakeds real name?
Keep it real ya'll.
B-DAWG (yeah, its corny wigga time again....WIKKA WIKKA!) 7月15日 CANADIAN QUESTIONS...."EH!!"Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 winter Olympics, the following are some questions people all over the world over are asking. These questions (and answers) about Canada were actually posted on an international Tourism Website. Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden) A: So its true what they say about Swedes. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK) A: What, did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA) A: Only at Thanksgiving. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA) A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare it by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. ITS D DAYWell folks, this afternoon I will be moving out of my first place in Calgary to a new house. It's right across the street, so needless to say, its a BIG move
I always hate moving. No matter how much attention to detail you pay, there is ALWAYS ALWAYS something that ends up going missing. I'm not sure where it goes, but there is a stash of missing moving items located in some mysterious void in the universe. I'm sure its located right next to the Vortex that transports ONE sock from the washing machine into oblivion so that when you pull them out of the dryer, you are left with a lonely sock, and sense of utter bewilderment.
So this afternoon I'll be running around like a crazed mofo buying a new bedroom suite, transferring boxes, and picking up all of the odds and ends that you seem to need when moving into a new place.
In other news, MARGIE has a great t*tshot for everyone to enjoy! And if you scroll down you'll see a picture of my FIRST cowboy hat!! (yes im still quite proud of it).
Have a kickass FRIDAY!! WOOT! Catch all you mofos on the flipside!
"A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single footstep...or a shot of tequila and a stripsearch!!" 7月12日 IIITS STAMPEDE!!Oooooookay. So I may or may not deserve the worst blogger of the month award for my procrastination with my entries. Ive just been busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest the last couple weeks!
We spent Canada Day in Victoria, and then toured to Vancouver and Salt Spring Island for four days. Of course, it was beautiful and I still want to move there more than ever now!
Soooo.. STAMPEDE SEASON HAS ARRIVED IN CALGARY. We decided to do a little "Club Crawl" on Saturday to bring it in with a bang. GOOD LORD!! The crawl started at noon, was absolutely OUT OF CONTROL, and we were ALL in bed by midnight. Good times good times!! My roomate (who is now out of the hospital by the way) probably flashed half of Calgary with Tannis, and almost caused a car accident. How does that saying go? "You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you cant take the trailer park out of the girl" HAHA.
6月27日 A LIL FRANCAISHey Everyone! So, this weekend was a fun one. Had a going away party at our Acreage outside of the city, was a good time had by all in the pouring rain. My poor mom's yard looks like a mudhole after all of the party animals were done with it, good thing grass grows quick. Other than that not much to blog about today, so here's a little education for ya'll courtesy of BryanMart: By the time you finish reading this blog entry, you will know over 10,000 new words in French! Exciting stuff hey? Well maybe not...but remember...I'm a nerd. So *drum roll*................. Almost EVERY word that ends in "TION" in English is the same in FRENCH!!! That's right!! You just need to say it with a bit of a French Accent and you're set. See? It's THAT easy. Now you know a buncha new words in a foreign language. Go out there and impress your co-workers (or get beat up by them...muahahaha) In other news, my roomate LORINDA probably has meningitis and had to get sent in an ambulance to the Foothills Hospital this morning. She will be there a couple of days recovering and then who knows what after that. Wishing her all the best for a speedy recovery!! Cheers 6月17日 IIIIIIIIIIITS FRIDAY!Well, this week drug on a little too long for my liking, but Friday's FINALLY here!! Woot! I'd like to thank all you perverts....errr...I mean FINE people for helping me figure out what the mystery picture was. Some runners up include: Raked: "GOD thats HIDEOUS!! Looks like a babies ass, but I doubt you were around naked babies....." MetroLiving: "Profile of an overweight, short-armed person" Paige: "....Put a condom on that phone, will ya....practice safe phone sex...." Kari: "vagina lips what else could it be REALLY people lol" EBunnz: "ohhhhhhh man. I have a couple of ideas of what that could be, none of which are really okay to be posting here......bleach your phone man. quick!" Now, the winner of the bragging rights for being a creative genious go to....*DRUM ROLL* DEADITES, for the practical, non-genital related comment of: "it's cleavage.... cleavage of someone with lopsided boobs.. ya, that's the ticket.." I THINK that it could have been cleavage....it's the most likely explanation. Cleavage from a girl named Tannis. Other than that, have a kickass weekend everyone!! Only 13 more days till I hop a plane to Victoria for CANADA DAY WEEKEND!! WOOHOO!!! P.S. For all of you who have been asking about how to post pics on your blog entries, visit MapleLeafKid's space....thats where I found the useful information to do it myself!! |
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Sixteen Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity
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